When Phil and Sophie got together they both felt ‘This is the one’. Quite early on they started speaking about marriage. Phil told Sophie that he had never thought he would consider getting married. He laughed and said ‘I even love the way you chop mushrooms!’ Although Sophie knew she and Phil were right for each other, every so often something would occur that made her feel upset.
She and Phil took a trip to a London market known for its alternative vibes, and together they indulged in a bit of people watching. Then Phil pointed out a woman dressed in what Sophie thought was quite an overtly sexualised style. He said ‘It’s a shame you don’t dress more like that. You could free yourself up a bit.’ Sophie felt crushed. Here was the man she thought of as the love of her life comparing her unfavourably to someone she thought dressed inappropriately. Sophie felt shamed and that Phil implied she dressed in a frumpy manner. The comparison he made between her and the other woman at the market suggested to Sophie that she was uptight and needed to change. 
Phil undermines Sophie’s confidence both in her dress sense and in her way of being as a person. Sophie experienced a withholding of what she had thought was Phil’s unconditional love for her, and remembered this comment when she chose how to dress from that point on. This limited her personal freedom, and resulted in negative thoughts about her not being ‘good enough’ in Phil’s eyes but also in the eyes of the world.